More Damn Junk Food…by Jim Carlton

  • My teenaged daughter dyes her hair so much the photo on her drivers license has a little color wheel. The last thing she did to earn money was lose her baby teeth. But I have to say she’s been a lot easier to get out of bed in the morning since she got the nose ring.
  • I remember when our daughter thought we were so uncool. I could say, “Evie, the house is on fire” and she’d just roll her eyes. In fact, I could say, “Evie, your hair is on fire and she’d roll her eyes.
  • She wore a lot of make up. She was somewhere between Max Factor and the Fear Factor.
  • You know that gift shop at the Alamo? I wonder if it was always there.
  • Today I feel like Yoko Ono sounds.
  • You know you’re getting old when you start buying alphabet soup in large print.
  • We were going to home-school our kids but we couldn’t afford the metal detectors.
  • They have so many diet foods available now. Publix has no-fat, low-fat, reduced-fat and fat with a great personality.
  • There’s a new business in downtown Mount Dora, Hair World. I hope it does well and I so hope it’s not a restaurant.
 Jim Carlton spent his career in show business. He’s written for and traveled with the Smothers Brothers, Joan Rivers, Jim Stafford, Roger Miller, Mason Williams, Gallagher, the Kingston Trio and many others. He’s also written special material for the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, Thicke of the Night, the Arsenio Hall Show and Late Night with David Letterman. He presently lives in Mount Dora and has been a city commissioner for a dozen years or more.