- You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Well you could but the animal rights people will be all over you.
- Why do people go to the top of tall buildings and put money in binoculars to see things on the ground?
- I used to look like a Chippendale; now I look like a Clydesdale.
- Here’s a yuppie scolding his kids at the dinner table: “Dylan, Connor, Taylor, Jordan, you’ve hardly touched your cuisine.”
- My act is evidently very educational. Just the other night I overheard someone who was leaving say, “Well that taught me a lesson.”
- In this country we can say whatever we want but we have to do what we’re told.
- Mount Dora is a small town and we elect our mayor by radio. Cathy was the fifth caller.
- Country singers’ hats always curl up on the sides because evidently they wear them to bed.
- I assume cartoon characters give each other high fours.
Jim Carlton spent his career in show business. He’s written for and traveled with the Smothers Brothers, Joan Rivers, Jim Stafford, Roger Miller, Mason Williams, Gallagher, the Kingston Trio and many others. He’s also written special material for the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, Thicke of the Night, the Arsenio Hall Show and Late Night with David Letterman. He presently lives in Mount Dora and has been a city commissioner for a dozen years or more.