- I’ve found that most members of the religious right that I’ve met are neither religious nor right.
- You can never find a lost-and-found when you need one.
- “Call me Ishmael”…or call my voice mail.
- I think it’s kinda funny that you finally reach a point where you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
- My friend Harlow got a job as dogcatcher. He knows he’s supposed to catch dogs but he doesn’t know at what.
- Sometimes I march to an indifferent drummer. At this point in my life I’m just happy to be wearing clothes that open in the front.
- I once dated a Jewish American Indian Princess. Her name was January White Sale.
- It’s human nature for people to stand in hallways and doorways.
- Our Chihuahua Zorro looks like an aerial view of a dog. We were going to call him Spot but he was too small. Then we thought maybe Speck would be a good name. We should have named him Pharaoh because he keeps leaving little pyramids all over the house.
Jim Carlton spent his career in show business. He’s written for and traveled with the Smothers Brothers, Joan Rivers, Jim Stafford, Roger Miller, Mason Williams, Gallagher, the Kingston Trio and many others. He’s also written special material for the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, Thicke of the Night, the Arsenio Hall Show and Late Night with David Letterman. He presently lives in Mount Dora and has been a city commissioner for a dozen years or more.