June Junk Food for Thought…by Jim Carlton

  • There was a mix-up with the Barbie doll and G.I. Joe action figure. The G.I. Joe electronic vocal chip got inserted into some of the Barbie dolls. But rather than a recall, Mattel is just marketing those as the Bea Arthur doll.
  • A psychic just won a lawsuit against a hospital where she had an MRI that she says cost her her psychic ability. How come she didn’t know?
  • I think the reason for the sexual revolution of the sixties and seventies was the clothes. They were so ugly that people couldn’t wait to get out of them.
  • OSHA has now mandated that “Stairway to Heaven” has to be rewritten with a handicapped ramp.
  • The term criminal lawyer is redundant.
  • Sarah Palin is writing her autobiography. Crayons sold separately.
  • Comics don’t meet women. Musicians meet women because ladies would rather have a song written about them than a joke.
  • Take care of your teeth. You may have to be identified by them someday.
  • New York City is a place where if there’s a knock on the door you actually hope it’s a Jehovah’s Witness.
  • According to medical studies, one to three drinks a day will help fight off heart disease by raising your good cholesterol. If that’s the case, then a designated driver would be more likely to have a heart attack than the drunks who are riding with him.
  • My friend wears bellbottoms like they’re going out of style.
  • Mount Dora, festival city, may be running out of festive events. The latest proposals were the Catch Your Own Wasp Festival and the Abandoned Auto Show.

Jim Carlton spent his career in show business. He’s written for and traveled with the Smothers Brothers, Joan Rivers, Jim Stafford, Roger Miller, Mason Williams, Gallagher, the Kingston Trio and many others. He’s also written special material for the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, Thicke of the Night, the Arsenio Hall Show and Late Night with David Letterman. He presently lives in Mount Dora and has been a city commissioner for a dozen years or more.