My Name is Glazer…by Marilynette Cox (Part 7)

The pillows exploded while you were gone.

The Mount Dora Citizen is pleased to offer the story of the life journey shared between Glazer, the Boxer, and her family – as told by Glazer.

Boxer Play

Please don’t get the impression that I’m prissy or a girly type girl, but most dogs just don’t know how to play.  I had a cousin who was a Boxer, and her name was Sally.  Before Sally got old, we could really mix it up.  The whole growl thing and then get up on your hind legs and try to wrestle each other to the ground while making all kinds of menacing noises.  God, those were the days.  Remind me to show you a picture of what Sally, Sara and I did with some couch pillows one day.  Looked like it hailed cotton balls!  But, the best part was when mom came home, we didn’t even get in trouble, in fact, we got our pictures taken.  I could never quite figure that one out.

 

The pillows exploded while you were gone.
The pillows exploded while you were gone.

Did You Do That?

Probably the worst question a dog can ever hear.  What are you going to say with all the evidence strewn all around you like you’ve been at it for hours?  No, I didn’t chew up that rug, Sara did.  That’s either the best or worst part about having a sister – sometimes you don’t get into trouble because you can blame it on each other and they don’t really know who did it, or other times when your sister really did do something and you get into trouble anyway.  I always tried to remind them what chewers Labs are, I mean, look at her toys.  They make special beds for them even, guaranteed that a Lab cannot chew it up, check out the Orvis catalog (the one with the Lab on the front).

Plus, if they thought Sara did it, she wouldn’t even get yelled at.  No one could yell at Sara because if they did she would get her feelings hurt really really bad, then she would go downstairs and get into her crate and not come out.  Seriously.  You could hurt her feelings with just a look.  Those days are pretty much over since we’ve gotten old.

Culinary Delights

I keep an eagle eye on The Red Can because that’s where our food is kept.  Don’t get me wrong, dog food is all well and good, it keeps your belly full and gives you something to look forward to first thing in the morning.  However, there is a whole world of other culinary delights that come in the form of human food.  My top three are bacon, banana, and peanuts, although almost any kind of chip is good.  My mom is a really good cook.  I should know, I’ve eaten just about everything she’s ever made, but every once in a while she makes something with a big machine that makes a real loud whirring noise.  When the noise is over, sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes we get to lick these metal things that have the most wonderful sweet stuff on them.  What a treat!  Since this is so special, I have perfected a talking voice that goes along with the whirring noise, just so she’ll know that we’re really interested.  I do kind of give her away though because once I talked along with the machine in front of other people and she said, “well, I guess there’s two things we can’t lie about: that I let them lick the beaters and that we let them get on the sofas.”  Life is good.

 

Pasta makes me jump for joy!
Pasta makes me jump for joy!

Garbage

Most humans do not understand the true concept of garbage.  It doesn’t start out as garbage, it starts out as something else altogether, their food.  They spend a lot of time bringing it in, putting it in the big box that hums, and then doing something with it that makes lots of good smells.  Then they eat while we lie under the table and pretend not to notice.   After what seems like forever, I can no longer play this charade, I beg.  Mostly I beg with my eyes and eyebrows, who can resist that face?  If, however, this does not work I rest my head on their legs.  I can make my head feel like it weighs a ton.  Usually this works.  And, here’s another thing about my sister – she never begs, just lets me do all the work and I swear this is true, as soon as I manage to get one bite, she can rise up out of a dead sleep and walk over and claim her part of the reward.   Dumb like a fox, she is.  So what is left of this food, as soon as they’re through with it, automatically becomes garbage.  Say’s who?  The absolute worst thing ever invented is those garbage cans with the step thing that raises the lid.  I’ve heard that there’s one out now that can sense when you’re near it and it automatically rises.  Do you think it can tell the difference between human and dog?

Smell

Well, since we’re talking about eating here, let me tell you one thing: You just cannot trust a human when it comes to accepting food.  You must smell everything first, and if it gets the okay of your nose, take it.  I know this takes up a lot of valuable begging time, I mean I know, you beg for whatever they’re eating, they think about it (are you kidding me, what’s all this deliberation for?), they decide to give it to you, and you eat it.  No, no no!  You must smell it first, and then take it.  I’ve tried over and over to explain this to Sara, but she is so trusting, she just eats it, no matter what.  I know she’s never gotten sick or anything, but they could trick you.  Say you’ve eaten 13 French fries and then, outta the blue, they stick in a carrot.  It could happen.

Next week…Glazer’s story continues, beginning  with “The Importance of Looking Out”

Marilynette Cox, Guest Columnist