Salty Junk Food for Thought…by Jim Carlton

After looking at Prince how can anyone deny the rumor that Liberace and Jimi Hendrix slept together.

When you’re a kid you make faces in the mirror. As you age the mirror gets its revenge.

It’s been so cold I saw a flasher in Donnelly Park who was just describing himself.

Stayed in a pet friendly hotel recently. There was a paper banner over the toilet seat that read: sanitized for your drinking pleasure.

For me, buttering my bread qualifies as cooking.

Men have nipples so they can find their cigarettes in the dark.

Someone asked me how I was getting to the airport. I said, “I’ll be flying into one of them.”

Tea just isn’t my cup of tea.

The Mona Lisa is deteriorating. it’s warping and buckling. But don’t worry, they’re going to bring in a crew to repair it. It’s the same team that worked on Cher.

My friend was having problems with his sex life and called on of those 900 numbers. The woman said, “Not tonight, I have an earache.”

I am the Jack Kervorkian of house plants.

If Jesus died for our sins the least we can do is get his money’s worth.

The town was so small the female impersonators were female.

Our friend finally divorced her husband. She never knew where he was after midnight and neither did he.

Jim Carlton spent his career in show business. He’s written for and traveled with the Smothers Brothers, Joan Rivers, Jim Stafford, Roger Miller, Mason Williams, Gallagher, the Kingston Trio and many others. He’s also written special material for the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, Thicke of the Night, the Arsenio Hall Show and Late Night with David Letterman. He presently lives in Mount Dora and has been a city commissioner for a dozen years or more.